You've Got My Wits Sliced In Half, A Drarry Fic
by hellions
Summary: Drarry, set in the Eighth Year. A bit of Hurt/Comfort and Angst, but I've decided to mostly go for Fluff. Major personality developments in the later chapters; Harry and Draco build in on how to manage their lives, how to help each other. NOT COMPLETE.


POTTER

Draco's sneering right at me and this is nothing like the boy I saw yesterday. My spectacle in Potions shouldn't have provoked him. I don't want to have to encounter this person again- He's more Malfoy than Draco right now- ever.

He's sneering and I think of licking the expression off his face. Licking his lips and sucking on his lower lip. Then tugging on his chin with my teeth. Merlin, I'm disturbed. He's got an arm pressed effortlessly on the wall and another in his pocket. His legs are leaning; he's leaning. He's standing closed off to me, and I can't tackle him again like I did yesterday- all I could do next is strike him. That's not what I want.

I think he calls me a halfwit again. I'd damned well respond but this vexation is building glass around me. I want to talk about what we did, because I think if I don't, he's going to behave as though we didn't do anything and it's going to drive me insane. But I can't find my words, and at that moment, I agree with him. He's sliced my wits neatly in half and stolen both the pieces.

'Potter.' He's drawling. His voice is so lazy, so lazily mellifluous I think if I stop breathing and thinking and seeing, I'll be able to feel it slither achingly against my ears. He's using his voice in the exact way it disarms me. He's got me too fucking bad.

We have the rest of the day- till dinner- left. Our batch can summon food straight to our quarters, so I'm not worried about making it late. I'm worried about him carrying on. Carrying on as we were. I can keep him here without interruption for as long as it takes. But I need to talk. I need to make him talk.

It couldn't have been an accident- he let me lean in, let me touch him, and kissed me so intensely he was breathing me in. he can't deny what we did. I'm thinking of what to say but all I can think is right now, he's breathing me out. I might run out of time. He kissed my scar and kept touching, kept smoothing my hair all while telling me how long he's waited for this. I want to meet that boy again.

The one in front of me's got his other face on. He's sneering and smirking and smiling all at once with his lips' left corner pulled dramatically up and his teeth showing just a little. I want to push his arm- his arm that's keeping me out- away and open his lips up.

He looks bored now- more than usual. Malfoy this year has been always smiling, always holding himself the right way, always looking more indifferent and casual. But he looks happier. He seems kinder. Not with me, not till yesterday. But I can't count how many good things I've seen him do for other people in the last 5 months.

He's had civil, even humorous interactions with Ron. He's paired up with Hermione for a debate on trolls. But he's a piece of shite with me. He's still smiling, still got his eyes dancing around searching for people's souls, but he's continuing our banter. It's friendlier now. Like his life doesn't depend on it. Like it doesn't matter to him as much. He insults me and undoes me but he's doing it for fun. Like we have a secret- we do now- and that's what's killing me. I don't want to remember the way we were around each other, about and with each other before yesterday.

I don't need a single memory before yesterday.

I' m still in the same position as I was 10 minutes ago, still standing still and straight. He's changing angles.

I shift so I'm against the wall. I lean my weight onto the wall and push myself down, so I'm slumping. I don't know why I do it. I avoid Draco's gaze-(Malfoy's gaze?) but I know his face has softened. I can feel him going soft round the edges- there are no angles here. Apart from his nose, and jaw and hairline and lips and _fuck._

He's dropped down too. Our sides are touching and I want to yelp. His hands are on his thighs- his legs are spread on the floor lazily while mine cross at the knees. The only thing alive about me is the pulse threatening to surface from inside my palm- he's eating the rest of me away. And the only contact we have is our sides. I want to yelp. Draco yelps. It's more of a sigh. I jerk my neck and the only thing I can even focus on in my vicinity is his face. Merlin be damned, I want to bite his lips. He's looking right through me and he's so much more of yesterday than he's been the last (20?) few minutes. His eyes are darker. I think they get darker when he looks at me. I noticed it when he was holding himself up on top of me yesterday.

He's licking his bottom lip. His nose has light hitting it from the windows, more light than the rest of his face. It's so _sharp._ His forehead is creasing and I register him blankly saying my name- Harry- and he's only just saying it. There's no drawl. His eyes catch focus before I can stare at him more- and I avert my gaze.

'What do you want to talk about? You do have something to say, don't you, Potter?' he's only halfway succeeding in sounding unaffected. I think it's me doing this to him. his eyes darken a little more when I look at him straight, and I move onto him. I shift and I'm somehow sitting on him now. He's still breathing me, and he inhales with a jerk and I feel myself being pulled closer to him- almost chest to chest.

'Call me Harry again.' But I've barely gotten the words out. He doesn't. he leans into the arc of my left shoulder, and rubs his nose against the base of my neck. I repeat myself. There's nothing else I want now. He rubs again, and then withdraws, quickly. He stares at me all while biting and licking his lower lip. His mouth's open. I repeat myself again. He looks at me a little clearer, grabs my wrists and before I realize he pushes me away and gets up. Draco brushes his hands on his thighs- trying to belittle me, maybe. I'm certain I haven't _dirtied_ him.

'Merlin, who knew Harry Potter was queer? Falling for me, aren't you now,' he smirks and I melt, 'well, I'm flattered.' He leaves and I turn away because knowing he turned back is worse than seeing he didn't.

Merlin _fuck_.

This boy is my own fucking void. I'm going to get sucked up into him and I'm going to float in him but he's so dark and so confusing and so unclear I can't see anything. It'll be like being in nothingness. I don't know what he is. But I want this snogging, kissing, touching. And I need it all from Draco Malfoy.

MALFOY

I can't sodding believe myself. I was going to be difficult. There were going to be no signs at all of yesterday. Instead, Potter sits on me. _Merlin's beard_. And I enjoy it till I remember. I was thinking of moaning his name into his neck and of pulling him closer to me and of pulling my knees up so I had him where he'd stay. I was thinking of making him pull at my lips again. Of making him bite and bruise my neck again, on top of yesterday's marks.

I don't need to think about this. I don't need to ruin him.

I can't be his end anymore.

I can't be his.

I can't.

So I find myself making out with Serena – 6th year, Hufflepuff- an hour later. Because I like a bloke and he's Harry Potter and I just can't do this because if I do I won't be able to resist ruining him. That's one thing Father's right about. The urge to destroy.

Instead, I'm trying to think of heterosexual, non- Potter urges. But the problem is, these urges don't bite me or bruise me or suck at my lips after licking them like I do. They don't have a penis. They feel wrong when they sit on me and they give up control. There's no fight for it. No heat. This is dull, dull dullness that's kissing me. I can't even grade Serena on attendance. She's more or less- apart from moving her tongue on mine and holding my side- lying still so I can have my way with her. Where's the bloody fight for dominance? But, hell, all I need is a distraction. This one has soft breasts and an empty mind but it has to do.

A few minutes later, I find I don't quite like those soft breasts against my chest.

Another few minutes and I have her kneeling down, sucking and stimulating my dick. I'm thinking of Potter. I'm imagining him right there, with his dark hair a mess, taking me in and out much better than Serena's doing. I picture him doing me the right way. He's grabbing my ass to pull me closer to him and he's taking in my entire length.

Even in my mind, I'm creating a monster.

When I'm done with Serena- disgusting, isn't it? How casually I talk about this? But I'm trying to be better and if better means getting girls laid, I'll take it. – I insist on dropping her off to her common room. I know where the Hufflepuff commons are because Vince accidentally went in there after this girl when we were going to the kitchens. She blushes and smiles and reddens like I've _not_ just shagged her raw. I smile my most genuine one. I think I mean the smile. I too needed the sex. I've felt so much lighter this year with Father out of my life, I think I've changed into someone else. Someone who likes blokes named Harry Potter.

And on my way back, I stop and head towards the pitch. I want to be somewhere open right now. No one's here this time of the night. The sky's dark and there are more stars towards us than there are up higher. There's a small breeze that welcomes me by blowing hair into my face and I can see someone flying. Dark haired. Merlin, he's everywhere. I'm going to go off into the side without him noticing. Then, I'm going to lie down at the sides of the pitch and pray he finds me and talks to me before making me sit on his broom with him and embracing me in the air. It's a plan.

I couldn't even Apparate if I wanted to, so after a moment of thinking I sprint towards the far side , where the grass, somehow, looks duller.

But he finds me before I've lain down and prayed.

POTTER

I can hear footsteps- hurried footsteps- and I stop my broom and look down. Hair silver as mist, spraying from his head on all sides. He's jogging. And there's no other reason at all besides my natural impulse to go after him. I fly down in front of him and wait a second. He's catching his breath- somehow, I don't think it's from running. His hair looks like someone's been playing with it. His lips look swollen- and darker. I push suspicions away and greet him. he asks me why I'm flying so late at night. He runs his hands on his hair and looks around, confused. He has the slightest blush on his creamy, pale cheeks.

'I can't sleep. I actually haven't since day before.' I get off my broom and put it on the grass. He smirks at me. I feel like he's not giving it his best.

'I can't imagine why not,' he says. And his smile is much more genuine.

'Why are you out here?' He licks his bottom lip. And looks away. Then looks right into me. Like he's drinking me in.

He tells me he's not sure. And I swear, he's looking at me the way I think I look at him when I want to snog him sometimes. He's so confusing. He has me vexed. He takes his wand out. Casts _lumos._ And lifts his wand arm to my face. I can feel the dim glow on my features. He looks right into my eyes and I feel my pupils dilate. That's not normal.

And he's actually letting go of his wand and pulling me into him and grabbing me by the collars and snaking an arm round my waist and fitting me into him and I think I'm moaning into his neck.

It's like he goes off because I feel him burst in my hands and every touch my fingertips present him with, his eyes darken to the darkest gray and he looks so freaking full of desire it might just surface out of him and rein the entire castle in. I'm holding his sides, he's got an arm round my waist and another on the back of my neck. His fingers play with the tips of my hair.

He's breathing a lot. I'm being breathed in a lot, but he's latching on so tight I'm never going out of him. he says my name again and again, over and over till I can't even remember when he started. He says it as he hugs me tighter. He says it in between kissing my neck. His skin is lit silver in the moonlight and I can see my marks all over his neck. I pull back just when he stops saying my name. he tells me he'll ruin me. 'I'll ruin you.' But he's so beautiful, so ethereal in this moonlight. 'So ruin me.'

His mouth is almost on mine and he starts by kissing my chin. I bite his lower lip and then suck on it. He's moaning against my mouth – I've got him moaning again!- and he pulls away and kisses me. His tongue slides through my teeth, and I open up for him.

He's drawing something out of me like last time. He's taking all I have and running away with it. He's so desperately _alive._

I'm coming undone and I want to be capable of freezing time because this moment is more beautiful than he is and I want to stay stay stay while he runs away because honestly, if he does just stop kissing me and walk way I'll be hanging my mouth out and staring nowhere because I'm so bloody ecstatic

 _Fuck_

 _Fuck_

 _Fuck_

And he stops. He stops and he stares at me like he's uncertain. 'Harry Potter, I'll bloody ruin you.' He's whispering against my chest. 'Please.' He stares at me again. 'Please bloody ruin me.'

Draco's crying. Silently. Tears glisten in his eyes and pour out of them and part of me wants to wipe them away but I just hold him. I hold him and keep kissing the drops rolling down his cheeks.

He looks right at my eyes and I realize that's the only way he ever looks- right at me. It's not my scar or my glasses- it's me. Just me. He pulls my glasses off and kisses my eyelids. He gets tears in my hair.

'I'm not right for you,' Draco murmurs. 'I'm an arse. I'm bloody depressed. My life's been fucked up since, god, always. My family can't even be associated with you. Merlin, Harry. It's been barely a year since the war. Just because we're back at Hogwarts doesn't mean the world isn't shifting. My father's sentenced to death. Mother's in Azkaban. I'm happier than I've ever had the permission to be but, I'm ruinous for you.' His voice is so soft it rubs against my ears. I tell him we'll worry about it later. He stops crying.

MALFOY

I'm still in his arms. I like it here. I'm a selfish bastard. I'm going to ruin him. I think this over and over until he bloody picks me up.

I was leaning against his stomach and he had his hands on my sides. He picks me by my sides first, then throws me over his shoulder- Merlin. Harry's having no difficulty whatsoever with this. I don't protest. He walks slightly slower, stops, turns back, summons his broom and continues walking towards the castle.

He lets me off on the second floor. He doesn't speak, so naturally, I keep my mouth shut. He walks a few steps in front of me, but looks back every few seconds at me.

POTTER

I endure the silence till he asks me where we're going.

I'm still ahead of him, so I stop walking till he catches up.

'Harry?' he's still asking. I shake my head. He continues staring at me and I don't know how to tell him we're just walking. It feels like a disappointment. Draco wants me to know what we're doing. I take his hand, slip my fingers between his and rub against the base of his thumb. I grip tighter, and start climbing the stairs on our left.

I don't look back at him this time.

MALFOY

He doesn't look back this time. He holds my hand, outlines small circles on my skin and adjusts his grip every moment. We're on the seventh floor now. 'Are you taking me to the Room Of Requirement?' I ask.

'Yeah,' and his breath hitches.

We're walking into a familiar door but the room isn't at all what I'd guess. It's my bedroom. The one at the manor. Everything, as in everything is in place. My bed's made up the way I like it, my pictures haven't been peeled off the wall. He lets go of my hand.

'This is your room,' he's not asking.

'Yeah,' I whisper, but it's so quiet here. He isn't looking at me. He's making his way toward my wardrobe. He's opening it and running his hands over my clothes. He's gaping at the jeans. And the cotton t-shirts, and everything else. I hate wearing robes. Couldn't possibly expect him to know that.

He's going through my t-shirts now. He pulls out my The Smiths t-shirt. Looks at me questioningly. I arch an eyebrow- and then regret it. I watched myself do it in the mirror and it made my forehead crease. Forehead creases are Harry's thing.

'What else d'you listen to? I'd never reckon you to be into Muggle music.' The shirt's still in his hands, and he keeps running his fingers over it.

'I started listening to them in fourth year. One of the Durmstrang students introduced me to them. They're mostly all I listen to. Which I don't do a lot,' I'm lying but I don't want to tell him I heard him talk about The Smiths to Dean. I don't want to tell him I know he loves them.

Harry looks back at me, and some of his hair's spilling on his eyes. i like the look on him. It looks better on me. The first time I saw him with his hair all disheveled, I tried doing the same to myself. Privately. But Malfoys don't look disheveled. Hence.

Harry draws in a breath and takes his shirt off. I move a step onto my bed because- because. I sit at the edge and I'm staring at him because he confuses me so much, yet I still want him to. He looks at me look at him and he smiles. I lick my lips out of habit. He tugs my The Smiths shirt on.

'I love The Smiths,' he smile-says.

And then he walks to me and sits right across me. My bed hasn't ever felt so comfortable. I want to sink in it. I shift my legs so I'm completely on the bed like he is and I move closer to him. I'm breathing Harry in and out. And I slip out of my shirt slowly. I don't look at him while I do it- I might forget how to. And I shift and lean against the bed frame. And he crawls towards me, does that thing again where he's shifted onto my lap at the best angle. I'm still breathing rapidly. My t-shirt almost looks as good on him as it'd look off of him. he slips his fingers into my hair and tugs it forward. I can picture a silver halo.

I lick my lips. He leans in to the arc of my neck and bites me. I lean in closer, and he pulls back. Moves his hand along my torso. Slips two finger into the waistband of my boxers- my pants were pulled slightly down with all that shifting.

POTTER

I've memorized him. I have Malfoy in my mind, ready to conjure, struggling to come to life. His hair's like a halo around his head, and it's grown longer than it ever has been. His hair looks like silvering mist. It reminds me of the memories Dumbledore had me see. His forehead is so prominent, with lines threatening to chalk onto themselves whenever he laughs too hard or frowns the slightest. His eyebrows are whisper-like, thin and faint and well outlined. His eyes turn a different grey with whatever emotion he's submerged in. His eyes turn dark when he stares at me too long. Usually they're a blurred grey. The shade that draws attention to itself without even working for it. His eyes are pecked with faint silver-gold flecks and in direct sunlight, they haze up and glow brightly. His eyelashes are so full, they're built onto themselves and his nose draws a bridge I'd jump off. His lips are light and well sized. His upper lip's all out, his upper lip is begging for inspection. I can only describe it as puffy. His lips look perfect despite his frowning, smiling, laughing, licking, and that habit he has of tugging at them when he's bored. And his _dimples._

And as I think this, I'm putting my hands down his pants and cupping his arse. Shifting onto him better. I can feel him swell up and I move on him- experimentally. His breath hitches, I take my hands out and cup round his neck. I move my chest in against his and kiss the base of his neck. I'm trying to be as slow as possible. I kiss and bite and bruise his neck. Merlin. He's great this way, under my touch and me. I've got him right underneath me and I've got him too wanton to ever let go.

I keep kissing his neck and he moans and grabs me by my shoulders, pushes me away. Draco takes a breath in, pushes me down by my hands and lies atop me, breathing heavily on me. He's still got my hands pinned back and I think he likes it. He moves his face toward mine, and I part my lips. He reaches down and his mouth's on mine and he kisses my bottom lip first, bites it, then moves on to kiss me.

He kisses me and kisses me till he's my only word and I've got a fistful of him tucked down my everywhere.

He sucks on my lips and I'm moaning and he shifts a hand beneath my shirt- his shirt. I pull him on me with both hands and hold him still.

He licks his bottom lip.

'Harry,' he says, 'Harry Potter.' I'm still staring at him. he props himself onto both elbows, still on top of me.

He licks his bottom lip. Bites it.

'I like this better than the arguing.'

 _Merlin's_ fucking _beard._

MALFOY

His eyes widen and I think I've said something wrong because he immediately shifts off from under me and rests his back against the bed frame. '

He looks at the floor, then at me, then smiles. Grins. Pulls me so I'm sitting on his lap. I take his shirt off.

'I'm gay,' and he smiles and grins and laughs and touches my chest. He's lit me on fire. 'So you realize _now_?' He smiles. Shakes his head.

'And I think I'm falling for you.' He raises his eyebrows, exhales, and I shift on him. again. I hug him and he kisses me and Merlin, Merlin _fuck_ I'm not leaving this room. Not now.

'Kiss me?' but I'm mumbling. And he smiles. He smiles the way I like. Lips tugging at themselves, chin dimple, cheek dimple, forehead creases and the slightest biting of lips.

And I shift closer on him. his skin is tan- much more than mine is. And he's got this scratch on along his left arm that I remember from 5th year Potions. I touch it, and his smile grows, and I withdraw my hand and myself and just look at him look at me.

He's looking at the Dark Mark. He's staring right into it. And he traces it. Holds my hand lightly, brings it to his face, and kisses the mark. Like he could kiss it away. He can. I look at him and he tries to smile but he's a little confused- crease between eyebrows, forehead crease- and I say, 'Scared, Potter?'

Harry laughs. Shakes his head, then nods.

'Very.'

POTTER

He shifts on me again and again and it's uncomfortable, but in the right way.

He's laughing and talking and this is all I can do before I lose it and just press him down and give him whatever I've left.

I'm at my wit's end.

This isn't the Malfoy who I thought was playing games with me.

This isn't anyone I've ever seen.

I don't know him, but I know I'm falling. I think I have been for years know. Because I remember thinking in 2nd year how any girl could like me when we had Malfoy. And 3rd year how I was scared when Buckbeak took a strike at him. And at the Yule Ball, I was trying so desperately not to notice Malfoy because if I did, I wouldn't stop staring or thinking and I'd ruin my night.

He asks me if I want to cuddle.

And he doesn't wait for an answer, the git literally cups my dick (I still have pajamas on) with a hand, turns, pushes at my dick to get me to make space, withdraws his hand and takes my arms around his.

His head kind of rests on my chest, and he's pushing his hair into my face. I'm breathing a little more than usual. He keeps shifting his legs, and it's downright annoying. I tell him that, and he proceeds to flip himself on me and press his waist right down. His holding my sides and grinning and grinding and I think I just moaned.

Then he lets go and hugs me again.

I remember that I fall asleep with my face in his hair and my arms around him.

MALFOY

It's been over an hour since I've been up but Harry Potter wont fucking let go. So I stay silent and still in his arms while he sleeps, occasionally nudging at my hair and mumbling and smiling against my neck.

We're both still shirtless from last night, and even though the Room's cool, I can feel the slightest sweat on my back. And harry's stomach. He's still mumbling. I try shifting in his grasp again- no avail.

I reach out my hands and put them on his, trying to get him to let go as gently as possible. I don't want to wake him up, but I need to pee.

'Malfoy?' he's whispering. His morning breath's sweet. I tell him to go back to sleep. He blinks a few times, adjusts to the light pouring from all over, and sits up. His hair's tumbling all the way down and I'm tumbling after. His eyes are smaller and lips puffed. And dry. I lean into him and suck on his lower lip. Kiss it and kiss him. he smiles against my lips and I pull away and hold his face by his dimples.

'Sleep.'

He shakes his head. I frown at him, and with a finger he touches the point between my eyebrows and has my face relax again.

I get up and move to my bathroom to pee. I don't look back, but I think he's still in bed.

When I'm back, he's gotten pancakes and coffee out of the Room. He hasn't put my shirt back on, and he's sipping quietly. Staring out my window. He doesn't notice me- or pretends not to.

I slip in beside him, put a hand on his thigh and reach for pancakes with the other. That's when he looks at me. He's unnerved. His eyes are widening and lips opening.

'What's wrong? Did I do something?' the last part escapes my lips just barely. He shakes his head.

Then, 'What's going on, Draco?' his eyes avert as he says this. I don't speak- either because I don't know what he means, or because I know exactly what he's getting at.

'What's going on with…us?'

He feels me tense, because he takes my hands, pulls me closer- this ends up with Harry's knee on the pancakes- and looks me right in the eye. 'You're the Malfoy heir. I'm Harry fucking Potter. Merlin, just… Merlin. How're we…what's going to happen next? I mean, Hogwarts will be giving both of us obvious hell, but what about the rest of the Wizarding world? Rita fucking Skeeter. The Ministry. _Your parents._ Merlin, Draco _,_ I can't believe I got you into this. I shouldn't have… that is, er, _Merlin_. _Merlin_.'

He withdraws a hand and runs it over his hair. His hand falls to his thigh. I lick my lips and I think my eyes are hurting.

He looks at me again, and says, 'Look, I don't want to end this, but I can't do this if it means having the entire world, our entire world against you. You're gonna be worse off than I will. Especially seeing you're the son of two death eaters, a death eater yourself.' Harry's more talking to himself because he doesn't realize what he says and it starts a deep pull in my chest that makes my lungs want to fall in on themselves. My eyes blaze. He goes on, oblivious.

'No one's going to believe you've changed, you're going to still be that death eater prat you were to everyone. I know you've been so different, but you're going to be discriminated against and they're all going to think you've… hoodwinked me,' he smiles a little. Prat. 'Draco, this won't be helping you. You're going to be pulled into the spotlight again and again. I've seen how much you hate the attention. I was there at your trial. I was there supporting you. You don't want to do this.'

Merlin fuck, this boy's deranged if he think I'm backing out. He can't make me. I don't care. And I need to voice this right now, but my lips and my lungs and my throat fails me and Harry fails me and this is where we get _ruinous_.

He keeps looking at me and I'm blinking away the tears in my eyes and I'm wiping them away faster because I can't let Harry do it for me.

He puts a hand on my knee.

I shake it away.

'Say something.' He sighs. 'Draco, say something.'

But there's a tension descending into my roots that I just can't beat away, and I want to strike at Harry Potter.

' _This_ … this is exactly why I didn't allow my feelings for you to get me before. No wonder Chang and that… Ginny dumped your arse, _Potter_. Why the fuck can't you fight that selflessness you're so full of? Merlin, Harry, can't you fucking see how it's my choice? You can't take this away from me, Potter. I fucking let myself fall for you, I accepted it, and I woke up thinking of how, fucking finally, I had a _forever_. You can't bloody do this. You're a git, Potter. Fucking full of it.' I'm heaving and he's staring at me with his mouth open and I reach for my wand and summon my shirt.

'Go find yourself someone else to shag. _Potter_ ,' I spit his name and it's a hundred hells in one because my sadness became frustration and I wasn't supposed to get it out at him. he's still blinking away and stammering at me with his ers and ums and buts, but I'm too done with myself.

I get up, put the shirt on, summon my The Smiths t-shirt as a final note, and head out with it. i'm done with this shit.

POTTER

Draco's walking out, and I can't seem to follow him fast enough because I have to run across a floor to catch up to him and I know he can hear me running but he doesn't look back till I'm in front of him and he sneers and pushes me- tries to push me- out of his way.

'What the fuck, Potter?'

'it's Potter, again?' I want him to say no. Say no, say no, say no.

'yeah. Why, am I acting like a death eater prat? Fuck off, Potter.' He spits at me. Again.

I get in front of him, and I want to kiss his sneer off but again, he pushes me. 'Fuck. Off.'

His expression's hard and unyielding and I want to kiss his neck.

He walks on and I run after him again. He turns back faster this time.

'Look, I don't bloody care what you say! Just. Fuck. Off. If you know what's good for you,' he's adding afterthoughts.

'I do know what's good for me.' He sneers. 'Well then, I take it we'll meet again at your funeral? I wouldn't mind writing a eulogy. _So sorry to hear about Potter. Shame the world's biggest git isn't with us. He believed in a death eater prat, and supported me by telling me what the world will think about me. I, personally, felt he was too thickheaded to function. But I know well and good that Potter's still here, listening to us, no doubt taking care that we never feel good about ourselves from the other side_.'

We're back to this, then. And I do register what he's said, and I do agree.

'Okay.'

'okay? That's your form of an apology? _Okay_? _It's fucking not okay_! Merlin, I think I'm going to owl Chang and Weasley and form a vindictive Harry Potter's Exes club. And I'll spell the dartboard with your face so it'll hurt. And I'll make badges.'

'Whatever _, Malfoy_. Let it out.'

'Malfoy? _Malfoy_? It's Malfoy now?' he's screeching. This is a win.

'I do know what's good for me,' I go on, 'you're good for me. You're excessively good for me.' Draco shuts up. He stares for a second. Lowers his guard.

I take him by his collar and push myself on him and he's doing it back! And I kiss him quick and hard and roughly till I'm gasping and he's sinking back onto me and tugging at my lower lip to draw me back. My hands move to his hair and his move under on my chest- I ran after him shirtless- and I'm pulling at his silken hair and he's kissing me and finishing me and then he pulls away.

'what?'

'Fuck you,' and he takes me by my sides.

MALFOY

It's been two hours. It's third period right now, but I suppose we're going to be missing classes the entire day. The sun's risen higher and the windows on this floor are high, which makes the floor around us warm and lit.

I'm on my back and Harry's lying with his head on my stomach. He's rubbing his thumb across my left hand. He seems sleepier, lazier, and I don't think he remembers we've got lessons. I'm way relaxed now, so's he, but what he said keeps repeating itself in my head. He's right.

And so, when we're going to fall apart to go to our common rooms and then to lunch, I approach the subject.

'You're right.' The look on his face tells me he's not yet registered what I've said, so I wait a bit till he says,' I am?' in a bemused sort of tone.

'Yeah.'

Merlin.

'What d'you reckon we do?'

He gazes at me. We haven't started to our common rooms yet, just walked a short length down this corridor. He pulls me toward the wall and motions for me to sit. I don't think we're making it anywhere at this rate. Potter likes his conversations sitting down.

His eyes are bright but he looks tired. Tired of coming back to this point, I think. There are small hickeys way clearly visible down his neck. I reach out and rub a finger against them in circles. He leans further toward me, and says, 'D'you think we should go public? Tell our friends?' his face is worried, forehead crinkled, eyes ever bright, eyebrows burrowed.

'Are Ron and Hermione going to take it well?'

'Ron and Hermione… I don't know. Probably. But it's the rest of the world I'm worried about. I don't want them saying or thinking or doing anything to you.'

I try for a smile, and say, ' I think we should. My parents won't take it well. At all. Neither will most of my friends- apart from Pansy and Blaise, I think. They've suspected I was crushing on you since 1st year.'

'Were you? Crushing on me? _1_ _st_ _year_?'

'since Madam Malkin's.'

'Merlin. _Wow._ Madam Malkin's, that's..'

'About seven years ago.'

'yeah.'

'you were on a tree to get my attention. Shit, even that attempt at Buckbeak…the fiendfyre- you were hugging me so tight, and I felt something against my neck. You kissed me, didn't you? You thought we'd die.'

'I thought I'd die. I wanted to.' This ache dismantles itself in my chest. Harry's fingers had started idly grazing my chest, but the second i finish speaking he holds on, holds on firmly and asks me, ' you wanted to die in there?'

His brilliant green eyes are battling my tired grey for emotion. He's staring at me and I'm so drawn to him all I want is to stare back and stay sinking in those shades.

His tone is using up every ounce of assertiveness he has.

I stare at him. I catch hold of him through my eyes and all I'm seeing is that he's never, never not by my side. All I see is something I can hold on to.

'I was so tired, Harry.' I think i feel him draw a breath. 'we were all in there, and before dragging Goyle along all I wanted was to stop running, stop fearing, stop hiding, stop feeling. I was so _tired_. And I was afraid. My heart was more alive than it ever had the chance to be, Harry. I was so afraid you'd die. I kept telling myself you couldn't wouldn't, you'd get out of here even if it meant my dying. And then you lot suddenly were metres above me, going out on those broomsticks… I stopped caring, right that second. I was so tired of the war between The dark Lord- Voldemort- and you, so tired of never having spoken to you. I regretted everything I'd ever done to you- most of which was to know you. I regretted never actually having spoken to you. i was so tired.

I think I kept screaming- it was so hot and I was burning up and my skin's really sensitive and this area around my trousers- the shins, caught fire because of the heat, not because the fiendfyre- it's still got burn marks. Slightly, but yeah. And then I heard Ron shout and I saw you come down for me and I waved to you and tried to keep you from reaching us because the fiendfyre was close to us, but you reached to me and pulled me up using my hand. I could feel your pulse. It was our first, real, contact and I remember cursing myself for ever wanting to die. I was hugging you the next instant and my head was in the arc of your neck and before I could stop myself, I… pressed a kiss to your neck and that was when we bolted right out.'

I'm actually heaving. I look at him and his face is a scattered mess of emotions and his eyes are wet and there's teardrops pouring out for 1,2,3 seconds before I wipe them right off and embrace him.

'Draco. Draco. I didn't think… I didn't know.' He's still crying, soundlessly. I am too. I can't figure it out.

'I'm so sorry.'

The world sinks, and my happiness starts emerging.

POTTER

I can feel him evaporate.

He looks so much happier, lighter, _free_.

I'm still holding him but I don't think either of us is crying anymore.

The sun's higher and it's late noon. He gets up and holds his hand out.

I take it. I'll always take it. We walk in silence- Draco remembers our timetables, of course, and tells me we have Potions- all those floors down to the dungeons.

Professor Slughorn grins as we enter late and I forget we're still holding hands. But Draco doesn't let go, so we walk toward an empty bench together. I can feel the weight of everyone's stare, most of all Ron, but in that moment, I stop caring. I'd jump on Slughorn's desk and kiss him if I could. But he's focused on the potion we're making, and every time his eyes drift to mine we smile. He licks his lips, sucks on them while brewing patiently. It takes all the control I have to not take him by the shoulder right here.

I haven't uttered a word the entire lesson.

Ron and Hermione have been casting the occasional half- concerned, half- bewildered glances at me. Merlin, they're going to demand explanations for all...this.

I'm too tired to do anything but fold my arms on the table and rest my head.

 _fuck._

* * *

 _ **Author's Note** : _**This fic just came to me, so I'm sure it's all a bit too random. I've no idea how to proceed with this: there might be a few scenes with Narcissa, more Trio-and-Draco bonding. Please, guys, be sure to give any suggestions you have to let the story go on. I'd really appreciate it.**


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